It's been a while

It's been a while.

Or ages I should say. I lost my ability to express my feeling through word. I guess I prefer that microblogging service that accept my craps during the day. I lost my time to sit down and play with thousand of words that used to make me feel comfort and relieve (I think).

Another reason maybe because I'm tired of words. Gosh! Thanks to those essays that made me accompanied during degree and made writing so damn hard that makes me want to surrender. Oh, frankly, I'm gonna miss that moment. Read all those journals and articles, finding the right sentence to be copied (doesn't matter it was correctly cited) or just a word that summarize everything. Actually, it shows me what kind of writer I am.

I write with mind. I write according to my hand and heart. Whatever they will took me. Academic writing wasn't included to it. Unstructured, repetitive, out of context, pointing to as many as topic it could, and write whatever I believe it is right.

Yup, that's me and my writing. I might find another chance to write again.

Am I Too Picky?

Life is a cycle. You'll feel both excitement and sorrow. You can't choose one but you can try to have a better one.

You can't choose which life you want to be in, which family you were born in, which destiny you wish to have. It is God authority. As human, the only thing we can do is make an effort to achieve what we want to.

Now I'm bored with this situation. The static and unchangeable (worst : unmanageable) situation that trapped me inside. I know this isn't the only choice I can choose from, but this is most convenience one that I can get. I should've try different one. Trying to find a better way out to living life, do more research. (Yeap I just found out that everything we do is based on research. It's not only when you want to make an advertising campaign). Starting with background, do in-depth interview, find the variable and create the hypothesis. Eliminates the harmful things and extract the good one. Or do some mix and match, makes a collage, trying to find best solution for every problem.

I'm not saying I didn't to that and now I choose the wrong one. But the research that I did is not accurate. I miss a variable : the CAUSAL factor. From everything that we decide to do always have consequences that we need to consider about. And now I drown in misinterpretation. They are good but not as good as the other. They are fine but not led me to right path. They are helpful but in the same time undermining.

I should've run but I can't. I should've reorganize everything but I didn't.

I'm just bored of it.

Me and My Private Time

That quote is always right :

You won't miss and considered them before they're gone.

There is a time when you feel everything is too much. You're not on capability to handle all the things going on your life, balance it with your duty as human being or whatever role you do now. You just want to feel free and do whatever you want without having a thought that it will hurt someone or not. You just want to enjoy your life without tied to a group. You just feel tired.

Deep down inside you'll know that they're your life savior. They will be there if you need someone to lean on. They will be there when you need an urgent help. And if they're your life will be nothing. You already understand all the risk of going outside the circle.

You just need a short break. A couple days of retreat from your static life. I'm pretty sure they'll understand.

Everything New

From the new room I just moved in 5 days ago to new semester started in Uni. With new housemate which are all girls ( finally. I'm so excited) and new neighbors that I can count it. Learning advertising in English which is makes me dying.

Yesterday my day started with go to uni and found out I can enter the building because the fire alarm rang inside and lock the whole building. We standing outside for 15 minutes waiting for our FIRST CLASS in new semester (and it was 8 in the morning! Crap!). Sitting in the lecture room listening to Blair (which I thought is a lovely woman, turn out to be a bald old man with tattoos and crazy advertising mind), half fainted. Couldn't imagine how can I survive in this semester. Then the thunder roaring. My first assignment. DHUARRR!

Need someone to help me solve this problem! T.T But I can survive!

The Last Time

1. Int. Car. Day
Kevin is driving the car and Alexis sit next to him stares outside the window. Their favorite song is playing on the radio.
[Kevin]
So, that’s it? 3 minutes and your laptop is fixed? How did he do that?

[Alexis]
The magic of Zack’s hands maybe.

They both laughs.

[Alexis]
At least, it was a perfect time to say goodbye to them. I’m gonna miss my office.

[Kevin]
You can survive, Lex.

Alexis sings the song and suddenly stop.

[Alexis]
(stare at Kevin)
Can we survive, Kev? Two years?

Kevin turn his head, look to Alexis.
FADE TO BLACK

2. Int. Living room. Day
Alexis sit down on the couch. Kevin sit down on the floor leaning on Alexis. He checks Alexis laptop, opens the picture’s folder, and copies to his external hard disk. Keep himself busy with the laptop.

Alexis POV
She looks around the living room. Table, couch, family photos, and three luggage in the corner of the room. Then she look at the laptop on Kevin’s lap.

[Alexis]
Try to play the playlist on the iTunes. It’s very me. I almost remember all that songs. Listen to it everyday.

Kevin look up to her and smile. Teases Alexis.

[Kevin]
Sure, I will.
(Tap on Alexis knee)

[Alexis]
Don’t forget to finish the cake.
(Point on a plate full of cake on the table in front of them)
My mom is going to check it anytime.
(Chuckles)

[Kevin]
I have to buy a new pants if I stay here for another day.
(Tap on his stomach)

Alexis laughs. She takes the plate and offer it to Kevin. They laughs. Kevin cuddle her and kiss Alexis forehead.

[Kevin]
So what time are you gonna wake up tomorrow? Don’t forget to wake me up, okay.

[Alexis]
I will. I’m going to kill you if you’re not there. 4 AM okay.
(Points her index finger to Kevin’s head)

[Kevin]
So everything is packed up already? It’s a big luggage over there.

[Alexis]
You should’ve help me packing the other day.

Kevin doesn’t give any response. He is busy with the laptop. Keep on looking all those pictures. He take a picture of himself through the web cam. Alexis join him on the second shot. Kevin realizes something different with Alexis when he sees her face expression. She looks wondering about something.

[Kevin]
Don’t try to look tough now, Lex. I’m still here with you, you can share anything.

Alexis remains silent. Pretends she doesn’t hear anything. She just sings a song. Kevin doesn’t to ask any further.

[Kevin]
Okay, I think I’ll go now. You better go to sleep now, Lex. It will be a long trip tomorrow. I’ll see you on the airport then.

Kevin takes all his belonging. Alexis stands up and walk to the door, remain silent.

3. Ext. Garden. Night
Kevin walks toward her and put his arm around Alexis’s shoulder tries to comfort her. Alexis look at Kevin, smiles but doesn’t any word. They stands beside the car. Kevin stares at Alexis. Alexis looks down and suddenly sit on the grass. She drown her face on her knees. Her body shakes and she is crying. Kevin never expect this situation. He bends his knees, stands in front of Alexis.

[Kevin]
Hey Alexis, why are you crying? Let me see your face.

Kevin lifts her chin up. Alexis shakes her head answering no. She wipes her tears off.

[Alexis]
Sorry, Kevin. I shouldn’t do this in front of you.

Alexis stands up and wipes her tears again. Kevin follows her.

[Alexis]
(Sighs)
I’m tough. I can handle this.
(Smile trying to convince Kevin)

Kevin hugs her. Stares at her, smile, then go inside the car. Turn on the engine and left. Alexis waves to him with no more tears. She tries to smile. Then she grabs her phone from his short’s pocket and send a text message to Kevin.

Alexis POV
Alexis types the message.
Thank you for today and everything. See you again. Love you. 12/02/2010 8.02 PM

4. Ext. Airport. Night
Alexis dress well. She looks at her watch. Eleven past ten. She takes her mobile phone from her jacket’s pocket. Send a text message to Kevin.

Alexis POV
Alexis types the message
Kevin, sorry. I lied to you. I’m leaving in 20 minute. Can’t stand to see you on this situation. We had a great day today. I’ll text you when I arrive. Love you. 12/02/2010 11.16 PM

She walks to airport entrance. And sees a figure that she always remember standing there. It is Kevin. She run towards him and hugs him.

[Kevin]
(Hugs Alexis)
I know you for a long time, Lex. You can’t covers anything from me. I just want to say goodbye. Am I not allowed?

Alexis cries.

Envy

I envy you.

Why you can keep that friendship on the same path like it supposed to be? Did I do something wrong?

I just want to be a good friend. Share our story like before. When you still look at me as a good accompany that always be there for you. When you still believe that I am a good friend who won't broke you apart. Live in such a mysterious world because I have to interpret your world by myself, and I think I passed that stage. I just miss that moment.

Should I lost a friend because we're now stand in a different context of life? I am still who I am. Although many things change, but I'm the same old person who keep my promises. I know we lived in a completely different world. We just try to keep on going side by side when we met at some point. I still enjoy that kind of life.

Maybe what we do now is proving whose dignity is the top of others. We just waiting until one of us open our mouth to each other. Or remain quite means one of us do something wrong to each other. You just don't want to be hurt anymore.



I hate this situation. I just want to be friend. Is it too hard? Can you tell me what goes wrong? I just didn't want what I've learn about you this past years become nothing. Such a waste of time.

What A Small and Square World

This reality.

World is such a small place to live. And for me it was square. You will meet same person in different condition, sometime in which you didn’t like but you don’t have anywhere to go. You are trap inside a box with people you already know but you don’t want to know it that far.

You got nowhere to hide, no private place to share a passion. Because in every corner of this world, there always someone watching over you. It’s easy to get caught. Need to look right and left over your shoulder, check the situation. You just to be smarter than before, to find someway to prevent all unexpected situation. You can’t pretend you don’t care. You are.


You’ll try to find a way to make it round again, but you couldn’t. On the way to finding those things, you don’t what will come to you. You will experience whatever things that attract you, things that dares you. You love those kinds of things. You won’t run away, it challenging. It makes you more and more closer to it. And you won’t care what people said about you. About what makes you change, about how dare you do it. You’ll begin to close your ears from those things they say and just do whatever you think is the best. Is it right? It’s only you who can answer it.

Therefore, because of the small size of this world you can’t getaway from people. They really want to know what happen with your life even it was not important to them. They will keep an eye on you. Just like why they invent Twitter (Times Magazine, June 2009). You try to get over it, but can you? In this web 2.0 eras, your life becomes a public consumption. The only way to avoid is try not to pull the trigger. Don’t share a controversial story. Just type about your ordinary day. Try to control your self or this small and square world will destroy you.

When your boyfriend is your bestfriend’s ex, he’s your ex’s neighbor and friend, your bestfriend former boyfriend was your another bestfriend's ex, and now your bestfriend’s boyfriend is your boyfriend’s housemate. You will understand how small and square is this world.